June 17, 2004
Granted, they may not have jobs, mortgages, or any debt to speak of, but kids do worry just like the rest of us. According to a new KidsHealth® KidsPoll survey of 1,004 9- to 13-year-olds, "school grades" tops the list of concerns - 53% percent of children said they worry daily or weekly about whether their hard work will garner an A or an F.
But making the grade isn't the only thing getting kids worked up. Children surveyed say they also worry daily or weekly about:
- looks or appearance (43%)
- problems at home (39%)
- being liked (33%)
- being out of shape or overweight (32%)
- their future (30%)
- being a failure or disappointing their loved ones (29%)
- their friends and their problems (27%)
But the goods news is that, with the exception of "school grades," kids surveyed fall into two groups:
- the majority (about 50% to 60%), who say they never worry or worry only once in a while
- the minority (about 20% to 30%), who say they worry daily
A collaboration of the Nemours Foundation/KidsHealth, the Department of Health Education and Recreation at Southern Illinois University Carbondale, the National Association of Health Education Centers (NAHEC), and participating health education centers throughout the United States, the KidsPoll found that the majority of children seem to be coping relatively well with common worries by talking to others about - and getting more information on - the things that worry them.
Most kids (42%) said they go to "a parent" to learn more about a topic that's worrying them. The second most common response was "the Internet" (24%), followed by "friends" (17%), "a teacher" (13%), and "a doctor or nurse" (4%).
When asked what they do about it when they're stressed or worried, the children surveyed said:
- "talk to my parent(s)" (25%)
- "talk to my friends" (25%)
- "keep my worries to myself" (24%)
- "do something about what's causing my worries" (9%)
Recognizing the Symptoms of Stress and Worry
It's not always easy to notice when your child is stressed out or worried. Short-term behavioral changes, such as mood swings, acting out, changes in sleep patterns, or bedwetting, can be indicators of stress. Some children experience physical effects, including stomachaches and headaches. Others have trouble concentrating or completing schoolwork. Still others become withdrawn or spend a lot of time alone. Younger children may show signs of reacting to stress by picking up new habits like thumb sucking, hair twirling, or nose picking; older children may begin to lie, bully, or defy authority.
The time to seek professional attention is when any change in behavior persists or when your child's stress or worries are causing serious anxiety. If you're unsuccessful after several attempts of talking to your child to get to the source of the troubles, see your child's doctor and talk to the counselors and teachers at your child's school, who can lead you to competent professional help.
Easing Your Child's Worries
There's plenty parents can do to help alleviate some of the worries kids feel, whether their stresses are daily or occasional. In addition to proper rest and good nutrition, talking to children about how they're feeling about themselves, school, things at home, their schedule and activities, and their friends can go a long way in helping keep kids' stress levels in check.
Help your child cope with worry by talking about what may be causing it and trying to come up with a few solutions together. Some possibilities are cutting back on after-school activities, spending more time talking with parents or teachers, developing an exercise regimen, or keeping a journal.
When it comes to grades - something most of the children surveyed for the KidsPoll say they worry about daily or weekly - have your child ask himself or herself the following questions, says Chris Cortellessa, a school counselor in Pennsylvania, and then discuss what can be done about it:
- Why are grades important? What do they mean to me?
- How do I study? Do I review my notes even when there isn't a test the next day? Do I have a good spot to do my homework? Have I tried different ways of studying, such as rewriting notes, using flashcards, and working with a study buddy?
On top of grades-related stress, how they look and how people perceive them is also worrisome for many kids - especially preteens and teens who are trying to be independent but still seek the approval of their peers. It may help to reassure children that it's normal to feel pressure to fit in or be liked - no one wants to feel like he or she is on the outside looking in. And it's a good idea to remind them that they should never have to dress, act, or think like other people to feel accepted; and that what really matters is who they are in on the inside - how they feel about things and what they believe in.
But kids' stress levels may be raised by more than just what's happening in their own lives (for example, they may worry when they hear their parents fighting or talking about troubles at work). Children often pick up on their parents' anxieties and start to worry themselves.
Kids can also feel worried by expectations that they perceive have been placed on them by well-meaning parents. Parents may not even realize that their children are unnecessarily stressed because they got a B, instead of an A, on a test they studied really hard for, or because they didn't perform as well on the soccer field as they think their parents would like them to.
It may help to alleviate some of the worry-inducing pressures kids feel by asking them what they think you expect them to do or not do. This conversation will then give you the opportunity to set the record straight - to explain that what's important to you is their happiness and that they simply try their best.
To ease worry for kids of all ages, it's important for parents to make time for their kids each day, whether it's playing, going for a walk, reading, eating a family meal, or talking one-on-one about what's going on with them. By showing interest in your child's life, you're showing that he or she is important to you. Also let your child know that worrying and feeling some level of stress is normal, and that you'll be there to offer love and support, no matter what.
Reviewed by: Steven Dowshen, MD
Date reviewed: June 2004
