Friend or Foe?

Your son has always struggled with making friends, so you were thrilled when he started bringing home one of his classmates. After finding your son doing his friend’s homework and giving away his money, you soon realize this may not be the healthy friendship you had hoped for.

Between the ages of five and 12, children learn the social skills that will be the foundation for their future relationships. That’s why toxic friendships — relationships where one person always gives and the other always takes or where one person constantly criticizes or belittles the other person — can be particularly challenging for children; these early experiences teach them it’s normal to be taken advantage of by their friends.

“Typically, children who aren’t adept at making or keeping friends are targets, because they’re eager to please and easy to manipulate,” said Mary Cook, MD, psychiatrist on staff at the Behavioral Health Clinic at The Children’s Hospital. “Your child may find that he’s in a situation where his friend asks him to do things that are against the rules or even illegal. It’s a dangerous and possibly damaging situation.”

You Live, You Learn

To prevent your child from becoming involved in a toxic friendship, teach him confidence-building skills and help him become more socially confident. Talk about the values of kindness and compassion, and help him recognize when his friends don’t share these characteristics.

“Instead of getting involved and trying to end a toxic friendship,” Dr. Cook said, “it’s better to help your child develop an awareness and take action himself, so he can learn from his mistakes and know what to avoid in the future.”